I’ve heard a lot about Stranger Things—it’s hard to avoid. I’ve also heard that the first season is the good season.

So I watched the first season several weeks ago, and I am still angry about it.

Stranger Things is easily one of the most regressive, misogynistic shows I have ever seen that was not actually made in the 1980s. The show’s “nostalgia” apparently consists of regurgitating undigested hunks of 1980s sexism all over the place in the assumption that the audience is too young to recognize it.

The show is capable of taking a critical look at the 1980s—there are white bullies who feel free to be racist to a Black kid, which certainly jibes with my recollections of those days. Unlike the misogyny, though, the racism is presented as a bad thing: The bullies are jackasses who get their comeuppance, and the show does not rely on a pack of racist stereotypes to ensure that the audience receives the racism as a correct and good thing.

I wish I could say the same thing of the sexism and sexist stereotypes, but whoa nelly, no. This show was pretty obviously written by a bunch of dudes who used to jerk off to male fantasy media in the 1980s, and now that they’re no longer 13, they . . . see no need to update their views.

Behold! We have such swell 1980s tropes as:

Young women should be compliant sex objects (Barb Holland/Nancy Wheeler). Barb is fat. She is also sexually uncooperative.

Barb dies HORRIBLY as a direct result.

And nobody cares. It’s practically a joke. Nancy is upset that her friend Barb has vanished off the face of the Earth, and nobody else gives a fuck, because No Fat Chicks.

Contrast Barb with Nancy who is very, very thin. Nancy also puts out! Yay, Nancy!

Putting out (and keeping her weight low—no, lower than that) ensures Nancy’s survival—for about five minutes. Nancy picks up a stalker. She must be nice and compliant to her stalker if she wants to stay alive. Her boyfriend is irritated with the stalker and gets a bit aggressive and scary about it. Nancy must be nice and compliant to her scary boyfriend if she wants to stay alive.

Nancy is nice and compliant to both boys. Therefore, she lives. Remember: YOU MUST BE NICE AND COMPLIANT TO ALL BOYS AT ALL TIMES OR YOU’LL FUCKING DIE, BITCH!! At the end of the season Nancy (I am not making this up) gives her stalker a new camera. This is presented as a touching and sane moment (the boyfriend bought the camera!) and not exceptionally stupid and a wonderful way to encourage further stalking.

Moms are Moms and should Mom (Joyce Byers/Karen Wheeler). The Moms in this show Mom. That’s all they do. Joyce isn’t very good at doing anything else; Karen just doesn’t do anything else. The Moms are upset when they can’t Mom well enough, but in the end they discover their true power: Moming! They don’t solve problems or kick ass—that would be ridiculous. Instead they Mom a younger character who actually fixes things. Moms Mommy Mom Mom Mom MOMMOMMOMMOMMOM!!!!

(There’s almost a moment that’s critical of all of the above: At one point, Moming Mom Karen Wheeler is more interested in the status of Nancy Wheeler’s virginity than in the disappearance of Nancy’s friend Barb. But the incident is presented simply as a frustration to Karen because she’s not Moming successfully enough. It’s not presented as Nancy being valued solely as a sex object and Barb being valued not at all. That’s probably because the show thinks there’s nothing wrong with any of that.)

Powerful women are desirable assets and valuable property (Eleven). Holy shit, did this bug the fuck out of me. It’s not just out of the 1980s—it’s out of the 1680s.

Eleven is a young woman who is telekinetic. Sometimes, she kills people with her brain—not exactly on purpose, she’s just lashing out. Her father thinks this is great, even though she doesn’t like it. (He’s not actually her father, nor does she have a husband, but that’s the role these male characters play, so that’s what I’m going to fucking call them.)

Eventually Eleven leaves her father and is transferred to her husband. Being owned by her husband is more pleasant than being owned by her father, and Eleven strengthens her telekinetic powers.

Finally her father attempts to retrieve what he still thinks of as his property. But Eleven is now her husband’s property, so she uses her stronger telekinetic abilities to . . . actually murder people! Like, completely on purpose!

And it’s great!! Yup, her husband and all his friends are super-duper happy that she’s advanced to intentional homicide, even though with her more-advanced powers, she could have probably figured out a way to keep them safe that didn’t result in a gory mass murder!

Eleven is happy too! As long as she’s murdering for her husband, Eleven has no qualms about it! She’s maybe a little worried that it might upset her husband to watch it (she’s very concerned that he thinks well of her, and especially concerned that he thinks she is pretty), but since she is simply an object that belongs to her husband, she unsurprisingly has no meaningful moral philosophy beyond Must Serve Husband.

Eleven is a weapon. And as long as she’s killing for her husband and not her father, that’s fine.

The show constantly refers to Eleven as a princess, and indeed she is—she is a woman who is a valuable asset, much like the princesses of old who were traded off in marriage. (The show does not explore the concept that princesses were essentially property and were allowed no choice in life. The show just cares that princesses are pretty.) The dramatic tension, such as it is, revolves around the question, Will this valuable asset be successfully transferred to her husband, or will the father reclaim it?

This is not a story written for women or old men. It is a story written for 12-year-old boys. So of course Eleven finally belonging to her husband resolves the tension quite happily. And then she appears to die, which is basically fine because she was never really alive to begin with.

(How much happier I would have been had Eleven slaughtered the guards, and then, covered in gore, turned to Mike Wheeler and screamed, “AM I PRETTY?” But I guess that’s why I prefer The Boys. And if you’re looking for a show about the 1980s, I’d recommend The Americans a million times over fucking Stranger Things.)